


/msg gordonfreeman

by HazyFacade



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Other, ahaaaa, this is a crackfic, this is terrible please, tommy is extremely out of character in order for it to work, we are so sorry, we beg for your forgiveness, we had a bit of this dialogue in minecraft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:46:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25662322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HazyFacade/pseuds/HazyFacade
Summary: Benry and Tommy abuse their admin status in-game. Also Benry likes Gordon’s cake (it’s a joke please don’t come for us oh god oh fuck)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 28





	/msg gordonfreeman

**Author's Note:**

> 0mothman0 and I had a dumb chat using /msg in minecraft, we thought it would be funny if we turned it into an actual fic. i’m truly sorry for this. can’t believe we wrote this

Tommy: /msg benry[REDACTED] _Gordon’s a nasty ‘lil ‘splody boy_

benry:  _ /msg  _ _ tommycoolatta  _ _ nasty fuckin slut _

Tommy: /msg benry[REDACTED] _Bet he throws it back for anyone!_

__ “What are you two giggling about?,” Gordon sighed.

“Nothing, Mister Freeman!” Tommy grinned as he held back his laughter.

benry:  _ /msg  _ _ tommycoolatta  _ _ slapp his ass _

Tommy: /msg benry[REDACTED] _*Slaps his ass so hard it disintegrates*_

benry:  _ /msg  _ _ tommycoolatta  _ _ youre my prodigy. niiice _

“Seriously, what’s so funny?” Gordon growled.

“console command, bro.”

“What the fuck does  _ that  _ mean?”

“It's just an inside joke Benry and I have!”

“heh, yeah,  _ inside  _ joke.”

The two of them made eye contact for a beat of silence and promptly burst into a fit of laughter.

benry:  _ /msg  _ _ tommycoolatta  _ _ i wonder just how thick he is under that hev suit lol _

benry:  _ /msg  _ _ tommycoolatta  _ _ lets go find out _

Tommy: /msg _benry[REDACTED]_ _Bet he’s triple cheeked up :]_

“yooo feetman aha, wanna uh. grab that soda can on the ground for me,” Benry smirked.

“What? No, get it yourself, asshole,” Gordon scoffed.

“Benry’s been working so hard today, his legs are tired, Mister Freeman!”

“What are you talking about? He’s done nothing but sit on his ass and belittle me.”

“my leggies are  _ so  _ tired, bro.”

“God, fine, only if you shut the hell up,” Gordon groaned as he leaned over to grab the soda.

benry:  _ /msg  _ _ tommycoolatta  _ _ CAKED _

Tommy: /msg _benry[REDACTED]_ _He’s got layers!_

“..You two are freaking me out, man.”

“hrrrgrgggggg cake…”

“What are you  _ saying _ ? Cake??” Gordon sputtered.

Dr. Coomer momentarily pauses his aggressive slurping to chime in. “Cake is a form of sweet food made from flour, sugar, and other ingredients, that is usually baked. In their oldest forms, cakes were modifications of bread, but cakes now cover a wide range of preparations that can be simple or elaborate, and that share features with other desserts such as pastries, meringues, custards, and pies.

The most commonly used cake ingredients include flour, sugar, eggs, butter or oil or margarine, a liquid, and leavening agents, such as baking soda or baking powder. Common additional ingredients and flavourings include dried, candied, or fresh fruit, nuts, cocoa, and extracts such as vanilla, with numerous substitutions for the primary ingredients. Cakes can also be filled with fruit preserves, nuts or dessert sauces ,like pastry cream, iced with buttercream or other icings, and decorated with marzipan, piped borders, or candied fruit.

Cake is often served as a celebratory dish on ceremonial occasions, such as weddings, anniversaries, and birthdays. There are countless cake recipes; some are bread-like, some are rich and elaborate, and many are centuries old. Cake making is no longer a complicated procedure; while at one time considerable labor went into cake making, particularly the whisking of egg foams, baking equipment and directions have been simplified so that even the most amateur of cooks may bake a cake.”

“Thanks, Coomer,” Gordon manages.

“Wow, you learn something new every day! He must- must have read about it on Wikipedia, the FREE online encyclopedia!” 

“That  _ anyone  _ can edi- Anytime, Tommy!” Dr.coomer smiles as he resumes his particularly unholy slurping.

benry:  _ /msg  _ _ tommycoolatta  _ _ yooo id love to see it WITHOUT his suit on ahaaa _

Tommy: /msg _benry[REDACTED]_ _That’s kind of gay, Benry! I’m proud of you for finally coming out :)_

benry:  _ /msg  _ _ tommycoolatta  _ _ coming out as cakesexual  _

  
  


“You guys, uh, good? You’re.. you’re staring at the wall. That’s the wall,” Gordon waves a hand in front of Benry’s black, dissociating, face.

“It's a pretty cool wall, Gordon,” Bubby glances over from admiring Dr. Coomer’s soda guzzling.

Benry snaps to, staring Gordon in the eyes. “fuuuuuckinnnnnnnnnnn. cake, bro.”

“Mmm, delicious, I could go for some Sprite Bundt Cake™ right now,” Tommy drooled, imagining the moist, delicious soda cake.

  
  


benry:  _ /msg  _ _ gordonfreeman  _ _ ha little confused man doesnt understand our cryptic and vague answers, what a loser _

  
  


“ _ WHY CAN I SEE TEXT,” _ Gordon yells.

“wrong person”

benry:  _ /kill  _ _ benry[REDACTED] _

**Author's Note:**

> From 0mothman0: ‘i’m so sorry tommy’s out of character,’ thats what i would say if i were sorry that tommy is out of character


End file.
